This story was inspired by the movie Cherry Falls: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0175526/.

Movie plot: In the small town of Cherry Falls a psychotic murderer is killing off virgins of the local high school.

And here's a trailer, if needed:




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So, there I was, in the bastard's basement, tied to a chair alongside my father. I was to be one of the final victims of a serial killer known on Twitter as 'ThatNiceGuyWithAKnife', an account he used to scare the populace of our little town, and confuse the police as they searched for his real IP address, hidden behind a dozen of proxies.

The first two that were killed were a couple in the woods, at night - a horny young man, and a reluctant girl; he was found with his throat slit and his ears cut off. She was the second victim, and she died from a stab in her throat, and the chest. The killer tweeted that before she took her last dying breath, she asked him, "Why ears?" His answer was, "Because a head is way too hard to cut off with a knife!"

The third was a blonde girl with big... eyes. She was killed in the school bathroom the next day. A student found her, screamed, and ran - but not before taking a photo. The photo spread through the Internet faster than fire, but what was written on the girl's leg in a bright green marker caused more drama than her death - it was a six-letter word, 'VIRGIN'.

I don't really remember her name, if I'm honest. Did it start with a B? Anyhow, I'm sure you're much more interested in hearing about me, so let me introduce myself: I'm Maya, and no, the killer had no desire to kill me. No, no, don't leave! I mean, yes, I know it contradicts what I said at the start, but sheesh, have some trust in me! It doesn't mean I'm a bad writer, or anything...

Khm. You see, the thing is... I'm not the main character of this real-life story. Yes, I know that makes zero sense, if anything, it just makes thing more confusing, but it's true! The couple that was killed at the start? I barely knew them! That other girl, and that guy on the roof-- err, did I tell you about him? No?...

The killer chased him to the roof, and killed him. The police suspect it happened right after the second kill - perhaps he saw the killer in the act, and ran... but the point is, I didn't know him either.

*Scratches head* I suppose that doesn't really mean I'm *not* the main character of this story. Hell, you may even be thinking, "Hey, bitch! You're in the basement of a god-damn serial killer, you *are* the main character of this story!"

I mean, why else would I be there, right? Well, actually, that's an interesting story. Not that the death of two girls and boys don't make for an interesting story, or the inept job the sheriff did at finding the killer - at the end, the killer found him, ha ha!

*Sigh* Yep, the sheriff-- err, deputy sheriff is my father. But that's only temporarily. The position, not the father thing. And no, my father's demotion has nothing to do with that sex scandal you might have heard about, I swear! Nor the illegal cock trafficking...

Erm, yeah. The police failing to find the killer wasn't really a surprise. My father tried his best, but it turns out, it's hard to do a proper job when the sheriff is hiding things from you. But I'll get to that, probably.

You're here for the interesting story I promised you, and your wish is my, err... nightmare.

Just imagine how I felt... how *you* would feel after the first two deaths, if you went to same high school I did. So, I didn't know them. Hell, in fact, I didn't want to do anything with it from the very start. But 'what if' was present in my mind - what if the killer went after me? It was only made worse after the third death. While I'm not the one to believe rumours easily, when the students dubbed the killer a 'Virgin Killer', it sent chill up my spine. By the time the photo circulated the Internet, and the news folks got a confirmation from police that they found the same writing on the other girl's thigh, almost in the identical place, I was terrified - I was a virgin! And now, seemingly, nay, certainly, I was on the killer's menu!

Then, some of the students thought of an idea - why not throw a secret 'Lose your virginity party'? Such a bad name wouldn't fly, though, so they named it the 'Sex Party' - really imaginative, I know - and it was going to happen in a certain house later that day. While most of the students were excited about it, even the prudes, I wasn't as much. I didn't really have a boyfriend, and looking for one-time fuck wasn't really my thing. Yet, I was still going to attend the party, after all, maybe I'd happen to find someone I like, you know? And there was that whole 'Virgin Killer' thing that would make any rational virgin scared.

Unfortunately, by the time the school was over, the 'secret' party was no longer a secret. Everyone knew about it. And when I say everyone, I mean the students, teacher, the principal, and worst of all, our parents. My father drove us home - my brother and me, that is. My brother's name is Kevin, and the reason I'm even introducing him is because he comes later in the story, so consider yourself warned. He thought we'd be safe at home, and so did the sheriff, who took his daughter home. I don't really, I mean, I think her name might be Mia? Regardless, since she's the main character, I'll just call her MC from now on. Which kind of makes her unimportant, don't you think?

So, there we were, my brother and me, in his room, the front door of the house locked, and all the windows jammed. The key to the door was with my mother, who was downstairs in the living room, while my father was chasing down alternative leads. To be clear, that was before the whole tied-to-the-chair-in-the-basement-of-a-serial-killer thingy. And both of us wanted to go to the Sex Party. I mean, when someone throws a sex party intended for the virgin teens of Cherry Falls, blood and drama are guaranteed; you *don't* want to miss that. And there was that whole 'Virgin Killer' matter I mentioned before.

Yep, I'm not going to explain how your town was named, and who thought of such a genius name. I'll just say it involved way too much wine.

Anyhow, not to be cliche, but my brother and me don't really get along. So we sat there in silence... mostly. His trashy metal music was on, and TV was as well - the news was on, and they had 'VIRGIN KILLER" written at the top of the screen in bold letter, while they ran various theories, ever since the killings started. After being drilled into the death with it for the past several hours, I shut off the TV and sighed.

And then, my dear brother, the pain in the ass that he was, thought it'd be super fun if he tried to scare me further.

"You don't have to worry, May," he said, sitting on his bed and looking at me, "if the killer is interested in you, he'll probably wait until you're alone, or behind some corner - the rest of us will be fine."

I glared at him from the chair. "You're a virgin just as much as me," I told him.

He laid back, and placed his hands up behind his head. "I'm not afraid. You know why?"

"Why is that? Is it because he wouldn't kill a child, no matter how annoying the child is?"

He smiled smugly. "The killer's only going after female virgins. Wait," he said, cocking his head. "Is that called being privileged?"

"Reality check, you ass," I said, annoyed. "This one does."

"No he doesn't," he replied.

"What about whatshisname that got killed in the woods last night?" I said.

"His name is Jack, and he got killed because he was there with Mia."

I smiled. "Then how about whatshisname that got killed on the roof of the school?"

"Who?"

"You know, that guy with short blonde hair. He usually wears shirts with drawn anime characters."

Kevin's eyes went wide. "Tom's dead?" he said in disbelief.

"You didn't know? It happened shortly after that girl got killed in the toilet."

"Shit," Kevin said.

"So," I said, "If I was you, I'd start to worry... virgin."

"That's not funny!" Kevin exclaimed.

I chuckled. "Suddenly it's not funny, huh?" The song that was playing on his PC came to the end, and silence engulfed the room, if only for a moment. Okay, so I liked about that guy, err, Tom? I mean, yeah, he was probably killed because he saw the killer killing that girl, but my brother didn't know that! And after he tried to scare me, I was more than glad to scare him back.

While my attempt at scaring him had worked, I, myself, was still scared. The killer could evade the police for days, maybe even weeks! All the while, his kill count could keep rising, and even if he had no plans to kill me, the school wasn't that big; sooner or later, I was certain he'd go after me. My anxiousness grew as I sat there, wishing I could go to the party, and just, get it over with. Hell, maybe I'd even get a chance to have a little fun while I was at it.

Suddenly, I saw a shadow on the wall - seriously - and before I could realize what it was, a pillow hit me straight in the face. I gasped, then looked towards my brother, who was laughing like a complete ass that he was.

"Oh, Kev, dear..." I said, a smile creeping up my lips as I reached down for the pillow, "You don't have to fear the killer anymore... because I'm going to end you myself!" I picked up the pillow and sent it flying towards him, hitting him straight in the head. A short pillow fight ensued - unfortunately, we only had a single pillow, but it was still fun. A few minutes later, we both laid down on his bed, trying to catch our breath.

"I was just thinking," he panted.

"Oh, wow!" I gasped, feigning shock. "You can think?"

He sighed. "Never mind."

I turned sideways to look at him. "Well go on, tell me," I told him.

"You'll just make fun of me and call me a pervert," he said.

"I won't. Come on, tell me what you were thinking."

He turned to face me, then said, "I was thinking that since we are locked inside the house, we have no way of going to the party, right?"

"Obviously," I said. "And?"

"Well, what if..." he said, his voice trailing off, before continuing again, "What if we were to lose our virginities to each other?"

I choked back a laugh and jabbed his arm. "You pervert!"

He groaned, and looked towards the ceiling. "I knew it."

And then... I thought about it. After brief silence, I said, "Are you really suggesting that, or merely trying to mess with me?"

He turned to face me, then reached out with his left hand and felt up my right hip, then my thigh, before I managed to push it away. "I didn't say you could touch me!"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm just checking to see if you have a phone hidden in your pocket, or something," he said, "I don't want you recording me."

I laughed and jabbed him in the stomach; he let out a groan. "I'm serious," he said. "What if the killer comes after us? I have plans for the future, you know!"

"You do?"

"Well, yeah. I want to graduate high school, meet girls, have sex... although I suppose I could cross that one off the list if we do, or add 'lots' next to it."

I smiled. "I see."

"What do you say?" he asked. "I know it sounds crazy, but..."

"Would you brag to your friends about it, like boys in movies tend to?" I asked.

"Oh, definitely," he said, "I'd want everyone to know that I had sex with my sister!"

"Fair enough," I said. After giving it one last thought, I said, "Okay."

Crazy, right? But with a killer on the loose in a town as small as ours, and cherry-picked victims-to-be, and no way to join the 'Sex Party', it didn't seem that crazy. While Kevin was certainly an ass, he was my ass... well, brother.

I know, it sounds crazy, right? But with a killer on the loose in our little town, and cherry-picked victims-to-be, and furthermore, with no way for us to join the 'Sex Party', it really didn't seem that crazy. While Kevin was certainly an ass, he was my ass... well, brother, and I had no doubt he'd keep it a secret.

"Really?" he said, sounding a little surprised by my answer. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "Do you have a condom?"

"A-alright. I do, just a moment." He stood up, got a condom from his bedside drawer, then went over to his computer, changed the song, and increased the volume until it was quite loud. Worse yet, it was metal. Not the growling, groaning, head-banging trash, but more rock-like, only with plenty of guitar and screaming.

As he sat down on the bed, I sat up and said, slightly louder than before so he could hear me clearly, "This isn't exactly arousing, Kevin."

"Yes," he replied, not quite as loud. "That may be, but would you prefer if our parents heard us having sex?"

"Good point." I leaned towards him and kissed him, catching him by surprise. He pushed me back.

"May, what are you doing?" he asked, seeming a little shocked.

I sighed. "A girl doesn't get wet just 'cause you want her to, Kev. There needs to be a little foreplay first, and I'd rather not loathe my first time."

"I suppose that's, uh... logical. Is it okay if I touch you a little?" he asked, as he placed the condom down on the bed.

I shuddered at the thought, and my eyes went wide. "N--... Okay. I guess if we are going to be having intercourse, it's hard to do it without touching."

A slight smile spread on his lips, making him look like a creep. "Pervert," I muttered, then leaned forward, placed my hands on his neck, and kissed him again. His hands quickly found their way to my hips, my stomach, and then my breasts. I would've rolled my eyes if they were open, but his touch wasn't rough, it was gentle, and with his soft squeezes and the kissing, I found myself growing hotter... in more than one place. He seemed to become a little more confident and slipped a little tongue past my lips; I returned the kiss enthusiastically. I slowly leaned back towards the bed, pulling him with me as I did.

He broke the kiss, and as we gathered our breaths, he climbed on top of me, straddling my body with his legs. "This is fun," he said.

I nodded, unable to deny the truth. My body felt like it was on fire, so I reached down, grabbed my shirt, and pulled it up towards my head. He helped me take it off, before he took his own off; he was a little red in the face, but my eyes quickly drifted down to his chest, he was decently built, something I didn't really notice till now. Then, he leaned down and we kissed again. As I placed my hands on his hips, his left hand found its way back to my bra-covered breasts, while his right was on the side of my neck. I slid my hand up his stomach, and onto his chest, and felt a tingle in my nether region.

He broke the kiss again, and kissed my cheek, then trailed down to my neck, and toward my chest. His left hand gently squeezed my breast, and I let out a soft moan. I had a sudden urge to feel his hand on my breast without any kind of fabric in the way. "Take off my bra," I told him.

He stopped kissing me, and looked at me. "Really?"

I nodded, and arched my back a little, so he could slide his hands under it. After fumbling with it for a moment, he managed to unclasp it; I took the bra, and pulled it off.

"Wow," he gasped as he looked at my bare breasts in delight; they weren't huge, maybe a size of a smaller orange, and perky. I felt quite proud of them. "Can I?" he asked. I smiled and nodded. He raised his left hand, and then...

A mild shock of pleasure went through my body, as his hand touched my breast. At the same time, I happened to look towards his crotch, and I could see a growing tent in his pants. I felt oddly proud; I caused that!

"Oh, May," he let out a soft moan, just as another song ended - the music I barely paid attention to anymore - before he leaned down and kissed me again, this time with his hand fondling my right breast. My hands found their way to his chest again, and while there was no trace of chiseled abs you can see on men in various magazines and ads, it felt great. It wasn't long before he broke the kiss again, and while I liked our kisses, I didn't mind - his lips found their way down my neck, my chest, and finally, my breasts. As soon he took my right nipple inside his mouth, I let out a loud moan of pleasure.

It was but a moment before I said, "Kev," my breathing a little heavy, "I wanna fuck." My hands had already found their way to his pants, and were pulling them off. He moved off me for a moment and quickly pulled off his pants and his underwear, while I got rid of mine. He sat there beside me, naked, like the day he was born, while I laid there in the same state as he. We examined each other's bodies with our eyes, and soon I found myself looking at his crotch. His penis looked a little pudgy, and his pubic hair seemed trimmed - I wouldn't have ever guessed he's taking care of himself down there!

"Gosh, May... you look amazing!" he said, and my cheeks turned a little red.

"You don't look half bad yourself," I responded.

He smiled. "How do you want to do it?" he asked, I assumed he was asking about the position, and at the moment, I felt like being under.

I pulled my legs back and spread them apart, then ran my hand over my mound, which was covered with short, soft hair. "I shave," I said, "but I've been growing it a bit. How does it look?"

As he moved between my legs on his knees, he couldn't stop staring at my crotch. "It looks amazing," he said, "I really want to eat it... a lot," he admitted.

"Kev!" I gasped, feigning shock. "What would our mother say?"

He snorted.

"But seriously," I said, "We're not doing this just for pleasure."

He managed to tear his eyes away, and looked at me, then nodded. "I know. But it's just the way I feel," he admitted. For the first time, I felt like he wasn't an ass at all. He wrapped his right hand around his penis and stroked it a little, drawing my attention to it, and as I was about to remind him about the condom, he picked it up, then took it out and slid it down his penis. He moved closer, and I reached further down with my hand, then spread my wet lips. He placed the tip of his penis then looked me in the eyes; I could see lust in his, and I felt the same.

"Are you ready?" he asked, and I nodded. I wondered if I should warn him to take it slow, but I said nothing. As he slowly pushed his penis into me, I felt renewed trust in him. He quickly encountered my hymen, then with some effort and continuous pressure, he pushed through it. I let out a soft groan.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I am. It doesn't hurt too bad," I admitted. "Keep pushing."

"Your wish is my command," he said and winked, making me giggle a little. He pushed deeper, and soon he was all the way inside me. He placed his hands on each side of my body, then leaned down towards me - his body was on top of me, my breasts softly mashed against his chest.

Then, he moved up a little, moved his hips back, thus pulling his penis out, before he thrust back into me. A moan escaped my lips as he did. He took his time, letting me adjust for a minute, before he decided to speed up. My breathing became faster, and I could hear his soft groans, despite the music.

As the pain I felt at the beginning completely vanished, I placed my hands on his hips, then slid them onto his lower back. He thrusted faster, before he slowed down a little, and said, "I'm getting closer. Should I pull out?"

"You have a condom on. It's okay," I said, blushing a little. It felt oddly good, the thought that he was about to come inside me, even if he was wearing a condom. Both of us were panting, the bed was rocking, and his thrust became faster and harder, before he pushed all the way into me, and groaned in pleasure. A moan of my own slipped past my lips, and as his penis throbbed inside me, I orgasmed. My back arched, our bodies were pressed together, so intimately, and he was inside me, as if we were one. I wrapped my legs around his while my body shook, as I got to experience what felt like the most wonderful feeling in the world.

And then, as quickly it started, it came to an end. We laid there, with him on top of me, our bodies sweaty and hot. Then he pulled out, and I untangled my legs nervously, allowing him to get off me, before he laid down beside me, both of us trying to catch our breaths.

"I've never felt like that before, with anyone," he said. My cheeks turned red. He said the thing I felt I couldn't say, not at the moment.

"Well, you haven't really had sex before," I said. Then, after a brief silence, I added, "It was nice." In truth, it was better than nice, it was great, and I knew I'd never forget my first time. But, as moments passed by, I couldn't deny I felt guilt growing inside my chest. Another minute passed before I said, "we should probably dress, so we don't get caught."

He nodded, got up, took off the condom off his limp penis, and while he put on his clothes, I got off the bed, and quickly dressed myself. I don't really remember what we said at that point; it felt really awkward, and we were both nervous, but I know I found myself heading downstairs, while he stayed in his room. I badly needed to talk to someone about what just happened - anyone else than Kevin - and

As I walked into the living room, I found my mother asleep on the couch, and snoring. I badly needed to talk to someone about what had just happened - anyone else than Kevin - and talking to my mother was not an option, because no matter how vague I was about it, I knew she'd figure it out. Without giving it much thought, I went over to her on the tip of my toes, and gently felt up her pants, found the key, and pulled it out, before covering her with a blanket I found nearby. Then, I walked over to the front door, put on my shoes, and left the house.

I knew for a fact that the school counselor was living four blocks down, and it was around 9 pm - I thought I could go up there and talk to him. At the night, with killer on loose... genius, right? You might even assume that's when the killer followed and captured me.

But, I felt safe - no longer a virgin, and with the party undoubtedly ongoing, the killer would probably go where the most virgin teens were, no? Up to that point, I didn't even realize that. Within a couple minutes I found myself at his front door, so I knocked, and waited. It took him about a minute to answer, and when I told him that I had to talk to him, he told me to wait until tomorrow. I insisted on talking to him right now, and told him I couldn't wait that long. He looked around nervously, then ushered me in.

Once inside, I took off my shoes, and I heard him lock the door behind him. By this point, you're probably thinking "He could be the killer! Leave, now!" And you'd be right. While I did hear the door lock, I was so nervous and busy trying to think of what to say, without revealing who and what, that I barely paid any attention to it.

Suddenly, I felt a blow to my head, and I fell down and passed out.

Which pretty much brings you up to speed and our present situation. And I say 'our' for a reason. When I came to, I saw MC sitting across me, my father right next to her, passed out, and the killer walking around, grumbling to himself. I felt a bit dizzy from the blow to my head earlier, and it hurt; when I let out a soft groan, he realized I had woken up and turned to me.

He started ranting. How I interrupted him right as he was about to murder the MC, and how he'd have to kill me now, too, while she'd have to wait... a minute or two, anyway. He picked up a knife, and headed towards me. It was right about when I realized that I was tied to the chair, both my legs and arms, which were behind me.

When you're in a serial killer's basement, you just don't think clearly. Hell, you'd say and do anything to stop him from killing you. Unless you're like, really, really depressed. Then it'd be, "Come on you SOB, bring it on!"

Personally, I was terrified. "I'm not a virgin!" I blurted out loudly, before he came within a couple of feet away from me. Naturally, as things go, that's when my father came to, and heard me say it. I noticed the surprise and confusion in his expression, but thankfully, he said nothing - instead, he fumbled with his binds, trying to set himself free.

"Oh?" the killer said.

"You don't kill those that aren't virgins, right?"

"Who told you that?" he asked, as he played with the knife.

"The people on the news said it... and the police confirmed it, as well," I said.

He laughed as he walked closer, way too close for my comfort - a meter at most. "Thanks, I needed a laugh," he said. "Regardless of what the police or those abominations on TV might think, this is not about knocking off the virgins, but revenge. Bye, bye," he said as he swung his arm to the right, aiming to stab me in the neck with the big-ass knife he held.

"Wait!" I exclaimed.

"What?" he said, noticeably exasperated.

"We could have sex... isn't that better than killing... and revenge?" I said, desperately.

He seemed to think about it for a moment. "Hmm, no. Not that I have any interested in skinny ass bitches to being with. Sayonara," he said and swung again, this time into the air.

"B-but wait!" I cried out.

"Jesus fuck, what?!" he yelled, and swung his arm downward - I winced in fear and closed my eyes, before I felt a tremendous pain as he stabbed me in my left leg, right above the knee. I cried out in pain.

"H-how can you be a killer in Cherry Falls... and not be a virgin killer? Or, wait, perhaps... you are a *VIRGIN* killer? I said, then giggled softly, trying to ignore the pain and distract him for as long as possible. "It was staring me in the face this whole time. So, are you?"

"It's none of your business," he said, and pulled the knife out, making me cry out in pain.

"But, c'mon!" I said. "If you're going to kill me, at least tell me. It'd suck to die knowing the only serial killer we had in like, forever, in this town, didn't use the name of the town to make it a little amusing, and fun."

He stood there in silence for a moment, his arms beside him, my blood dripping down onto the floor from the knife.

"Fine. To tell you the truth, I've... never had intercourse with an alive person. So..."

I blinked in mild shock. "I'm confused. Does that mean you've had sex with a dead person, or, you've had sex, but the thing you've had sex with wasn't human? Was it a cat?" I said, screwing up my face in disgust.

"What?" he said, seemingly confused. "No!" he exclaimed as he realized what I had said.

"No, you haven't had sex with a dead person, or no, you haven't had sex with a cat?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed yet again.

"Ahh," I said, and leaned my head to the right. "So you did have sex, but with a dead person."

"Enough!" he yelled. "I haven't had sex with anyone, I'm a 28-year old virgin! Happy?!"

"Eeh... to be honest, not as much I thought I'd be," I said, shaking my head.

"Can we continue, now, with the murder?" he said as he swung his knife around, in front of me.

"No...?" I asked, hopefully, as I raised my eyebrows.

He wasn't amused. He let out a grunt, then swung again above my head. "Arrivederci, Sayonara, and--"

"Fuck off!" my father exclaimed as he slammed him with the chair. The killer fell down onto the floor, and didn't get up. I breathed a sigh of relief - while I didn't see when my father got free, I was thankful he did right then, and not a moment later.

"Way to go, dad!" I said.

And that brings our story to a close. Well, mostly. He tied the bastard up, set me and MC free, called the police, err, officers, and the ambulance, and so on so forth. It was later found out that the killer - the school counselor - intended to dupe the sheriff as the killer of all the victims - how, I honestly can't say. Apparently, they found the sheriff in the trunk of the car. The deputy, my father, was taken in because he was with the sheriff at the time.

The reason for the killings? Aforementioned revenge. Apparently, they fathered a bastard, one of them anyway - the principal, sheriff, and some other big shot in our town. Thankfully, my father wasn't involved. But, really, what can you expect when you have a drunken gangbang? When she got pregnant, she wanted to find out who the father was - and when the sheriff's father found out, he practically chased her out of town. The bastard - err, the son she bore, was constantly filled with hate by his mother towards the men that got her pregnant, and years later, he came to seek revenge. Classic makings of a real-life revenge story, no?

The fact that he managed to get a job as a school counselor, is, I believe, really, really ironic. And messed up - how in world did he even get hired? It kind of made me realize a lot of things, especially that what happened between Kevin and me wasn't that really messed up as I thought, and that I had no reason to feel guilty. It wasn't like we went around down, chasing people with a knife, was it?

Later that night when we came home, and with the wound on my leg all patched up, my father said, "How come you aren't a virgin? Weren't you in the house for most of the day?"

And then, the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. In walks my mom, my dad drags my brother downstairs, and the full, verbal, rage-mode comes on. "How could you do that? What were you thinking? Are you bleeping insane? It's--" And it went on for a while.

Kevin spoke, and told them it was their fault for locking us in the house like that. That we were afraid, and that the killer hadn't yet been caught. They continued yelling at both of us, and said a lot of hurtful things, toward my brother especially.

After a minute or two, I walked over to him, then wrapped my hands around him from behind. "But I love my brother," I said. Their faces of shock and disgust were priceless - even Kevin was shocked. Cue more yelling, and screaming. Turns out, they really can't take a joke.

An hour or two later, things finally settled down. They weren't pleased, but they were more... rational? Less insane? Pick any, really, and you'd be right. They told us to never speak of it again, and never, ever think of doing anything like that again. We just nodded, and kept quiet. But, what I said earlier... I truly felt that way.

It took about a week or so before my father was reinstated as the sheriff again. Oh, and the 'virgin' thing that was written on their legs? The MC revealed that the both girls were really close. As in more than friends. Meaning that-- ah, you get it! So they wrote it down as a reminder of a sort that no boy, or girl, was to get past that point, and into their panties.

Honestly, if she said it was a name of a cult they ran, I'd have believed her more, but that's what she said, and the police swallowed it.

Currently, my parents are attending a party of a sort - not the sex kind! - for his promotion, and the successful capture of the killer. Meanwhile, my brother and me are at home... yay.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some business in my brother's room. It involves handcuffs, and me being on top. Ta-ta!

THE END.

 

I'm not quite sure what to think of this yet, but it wasn't bad. I've got to say, though, the most noticeable, and my favorite mistake in this story is, 'After being drilled into the death'. Not a big deal overall, but it made me chuckle.

 

Entertaining story. I was confused by her talking about MC and herself, but maybe because I didn't follow the story right. It still held my attention. The humor, dialog, and incest were highlights of the story for me. Likable CAW entry. Thanks, author.

 

A lot of work and thought clearly went into this. Assuming that it was intentional, it does read like a younger person's, in the first person accounting of their experience. To be frank it is exactly why I cannot stand listening to many younger people in real life tell me about something that happened to them. They don't get to the point, they go off on tangents, important aspects ignored and inconsequential details focused upon.

So for me it read exactly like how I would imagine it would be having to sit there and listen to an 18-year old explain to me "what happened." To that end, very well done! Very convincing.

Thanks for the great addition to the contest!

Hush....an alias

 

Brilliant. I've never seen the movie, probably wouldn't. I loved the twisted logic in the humor.

Even the incest was well done, usually I'd be happier with out it. The fumbling first time when they're already close was, err, charming.

Lot of errors that could have been fixed with a proof reader. Things like a paragraph with no ending, then a couple of repeated sentences.

Wasn't sure why she was called MC. That sentence was also one which got mangled, or was teenager speak.

 

From the writer:

@DT Yes, unfortunately, there are some mistakes, mostly related to spelling, which I've noticed only after submitting the story.

@Norton X (and in general), I feel like I should mention that there's no Maya in the movie, and that some of the things were changed, (the culprit and the murders, while the reason for them is merely altered), but the main plot remains the same. While Maya is not the main character of the main story, she is the main character of her story (but she's writing about her involvement in the main story where she's not the main character... which makes it more confusing, because there's not much of the main story here). Hope that clears things up.

@Hush, that's one of the things I like about first-person point of view, because the way the story looks depends on the character that's telling it. Some are unreliable, while others are more trustworthy. I've written another story where the main character is older, and while it doesn't always stick to the main plot, it either shows the way the main character thinks, supports the reasoning of the main character, or adds some humour.

Thank you for the comments. ​

 

From the writer:

@tonybs I was afraid that might happen. Thank you for pointing it out, and I'll make sure to fix it. I'm sure having a proof reader would have helped, but it's not something that's likely to happen, so I'll try in the future to re-read the stories several times once 'done', unless I'm struggling with the deadline. I'm glad you've liked it!​

 

I enjoyed reading the story. There were some parts where it was hard to follow but most of the time I was able to find my way. Thanks for submitting this story.

 

It was entertaining to a point if not slightly frenetic. Liked the humor and it was obviously well thought out. I'm not sure it's my cup of tea though. Not a dig on the author, just my personal tastes.

 

bump...

 

Bump...

 

Well... a lot going on here.

As mentioned, a good proof reading and edit was needed badly. Also, some of the choices of punctuation and words should have been refined a little better. ( I'm guessing "Khm" is text-speak??? ) However, the thing that got me was this.

Hush pretty much nailed it for me. I wanted to slap Maya and scream "Get on with it already!" Here's the thing... if this was written by a younger female, I think you need to rein in what you want to say, and tone down the tangents some. (not all, I like a bit of rambling.) If this was written by someone older, and maybe even male, well done convincing me you are a young woman!

I don't mean to slam your story however. I found some humor here, and a good tale. Possibly a few inconsistencies. I.E. was it THE M.C. or just M.C.? The brother didn't know about a killing that happened at their small school?

Entertaining read all around. Good job.

 

Bump...

 

If this were read and recorded, the narration might sound like an episode of Adventures in Odyssey, to which I'd be all for. But it dithers a little. I understand why you'd need to fudge certain aspects too. Overall, I thought you embraced the plot of the movie and added your own twist. Thanks for contributing.

 

From the writer:

@tonybs, thanks. I'll give it a look.

@Uncleb Yep, you're right. 'Ahem' would surely have been better, as in clearing one's throat.

As for the 'tangeants', if they're scattered across the story I think it's mostly fine. However, I do agree that there's too much at the beginning, that I've noticed. It's an oversight. Just the 'MC', the 'the' is the result of going through the story only with a spell checker. As for the periods, I think it's fine as far I know, since Maya is referring to her merely by her role in the main-side story, rather than the name. Do correct me if I'm wrong.

Regarding the brother's lack of knowledge you mentioned, the author is currently not available to comment. Ha ha... seriously, though, while I don't consider it a 'plot hole', it certainly is another oversight. It did make sense to me, but with various changes I've done, the reason was lost, and hence the mistake. I'll adjust it accordingly as soon I get a chance.​

 

It was an interesting read. My comments pretty much echo those above, so no need to beat a dead horse, excuse the pun. One of the great things about writing here is you get a wide range of people reading it, from the US, from across the pond, different ages, etc. so it helps authors grow.

 

I really enjoyed the story , I loved you interjecting, commentating narrating , what ever you want to call it , it was entertaining . The confusion faltering way you had withthat added a lot to the story for me .

You held my interest though certain times I had to reread a couple paragraphs to be sure I'd read correctly. It puts me off usually but it didn't too much with this maybe as I'm a bit of a horror nut !

There were a few spelling errors . Not sure what " Khm" meant near the beginning.
The part she talks to her brother " OK so I liked about that guy , err , Tom " . I thought it should be lied (I could be wrong ) you missed the odd word out - "when I came to I saw MC sitting across me" should it be "across ' FROM' me" , "so on 'AND ' so forth " and being instead of begin .

There were a few instances of using the wrong word . Though it's easily done , the brain sees what it expects sometimes.

I was irritated by the use of ***'s, apart from indicating actions which I understood but maybe it happened when it was posted as I know there can be glitches here on site .

I loved the incest part , it was nicely , sweetly and gently handled , not to mention that , oh , it was totally HOT !!
You pulled me right in , my breath quickened, my face flushed , I was tingling "in my nether region" and squirming in my seat horny !! You could say it turned me on a lot ! It was written very well .

I loved the humour afterwards , the " I love my brother " made me chuckle and I was definitely tickled at the end , Hmmm handcuffs . Nice Maybe a part two .

It needs polishing a little for me but all in all a very entertaining titillating captivating story .

Good luck author a very good job . Luvs xx

 

Story number two read!

I really like the premise here except for one minor thing, (And this is not even a factor when the killers real motive is expressed.) How would the killer know if they were virgins or not?

As said above, some technical issues, but I didn't see them as horrible, just there. I guess I liked the frenetic, stops and starts, and the way it took the narrator awhile to get her bearings on how to tell her story.

The sex was good. I am an only child, so maybe the thought of sleeping with your own brother doesn't have the same squeamishness as some might have. It seemed a good plan to me! I also liked how it built from something done out of necessity, to one of mutual enjoyment.

I liked it. Thank you for your submission.

 

Thought it was a very good story, a little hard to follow sometime. Great sex plot well written I'd say. Thank you for your entry, good luck